1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:04,960 Ladies and gentleman, will you please welcome Billy Connolly? 2 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:07,000 Downloaded from YTS.MX 3 00:00:04,960 --> 00:00:07,480 APPLAUSE AND CHEERING 4 00:00:07,480 --> 00:00:11,960 Who discovered we could get milk from cows? 5 00:00:08,000 --> 00:00:13,000 Official YIFY movies site: YTS.MX 6 00:00:11,960 --> 00:00:13,960 And what did they think he was doing at the time? 7 00:00:13,960 --> 00:00:15,960 LAUGHTER 8 00:00:15,960 --> 00:00:17,960 Billy Connolly... 9 00:00:20,480 --> 00:00:22,960 ..he stands there for three hours, and you don't stop laughing. 10 00:00:22,960 --> 00:00:25,960 Help! Help! 11 00:00:25,960 --> 00:00:27,960 There's stuff coming out my willy. 12 00:00:27,960 --> 00:00:29,960 Fearless, utterly fearless. 13 00:00:29,960 --> 00:00:32,640 He can get away with anything, can't he? 14 00:00:32,640 --> 00:00:34,960 My advice to you, if you want to lose a bit of weight, 15 00:00:34,960 --> 00:00:38,960 don't eat anything that comes in a bucket. 16 00:00:38,960 --> 00:00:41,960 Billy is the one and he is the only. 17 00:00:41,960 --> 00:00:46,960 Billy doesn't fit any kind of label regarding what a comedian is. 18 00:00:46,960 --> 00:00:48,960 You Billy Connolly? Aye. 19 00:00:48,960 --> 00:00:50,960 How you doing? 20 00:00:50,960 --> 00:00:54,960 There is no sentence that could do him justice. 21 00:00:54,960 --> 00:00:56,960 I don't think any would argue with me saying 22 00:00:56,960 --> 00:00:58,960 Billy Connolly is Scottish. 23 00:00:58,960 --> 00:01:01,960 A total twat. Oh, no, did I say that? 24 00:01:01,960 --> 00:01:03,960 He is an enigma. 25 00:01:03,960 --> 00:01:04,960 I love him. 26 00:01:04,960 --> 00:01:06,960 He is everything I wanna be. 27 00:01:06,960 --> 00:01:08,960 The world would be a better place... 28 00:01:08,960 --> 00:01:10,960 I wanna be a big, tall... 29 00:01:10,960 --> 00:01:12,800 ..if I was in charge. 30 00:01:12,800 --> 00:01:13,960 ..white Scotsman. 31 00:01:13,960 --> 00:01:15,960 Do you feel beautiful? 32 00:01:15,960 --> 00:01:17,960 I'm fabulous. 33 00:01:17,960 --> 00:01:19,960 I'm come over all fabulous. 34 00:01:24,960 --> 00:01:26,960 Hello. 35 00:01:26,960 --> 00:01:28,000 Hello, hello. 36 00:01:29,640 --> 00:01:30,960 Thank you very much. 37 00:01:36,960 --> 00:01:40,960 Jesus, what a welcome, thanks very much. 38 00:01:43,960 --> 00:01:47,960 I've done my stand-up. I did it for 50 years. 39 00:01:47,960 --> 00:01:49,960 I did it quite well. 40 00:01:49,960 --> 00:01:51,480 And it's time to stop. 41 00:01:51,480 --> 00:01:55,160 Tonight, you may find that you say the word "fuck" 42 00:01:55,160 --> 00:01:57,640 a little more than you used to. 43 00:01:58,960 --> 00:02:01,960 Where before, you would go, "Taxi! 44 00:02:01,960 --> 00:02:03,960 "Argh! They never to seem to see me. 45 00:02:03,960 --> 00:02:06,160 "I seem to be bloody invisible or something." 46 00:02:06,160 --> 00:02:09,960 Tonight, you might find you go, "Taxi! Oh, fuck you!" 47 00:02:11,800 --> 00:02:15,960 Don't worry about it. It goes away. 48 00:02:16,960 --> 00:02:20,960 I'm the one who's going to hell, you were only watching. 49 00:02:24,960 --> 00:02:31,960 My illness, my Parkinson's Disease, has rendered me different. 50 00:02:34,960 --> 00:02:36,960 You're only doing that cos I'm not well. 51 00:02:36,960 --> 00:02:39,160 LAUGHTER 52 00:02:39,160 --> 00:02:42,480 It would either mean renewing what I do 53 00:02:42,480 --> 00:02:43,960 and doing something else, 54 00:02:43,960 --> 00:02:47,960 or give up what I did, and that's what I've done. 55 00:02:50,960 --> 00:02:53,320 The fact that Billy's not gonna do stand-up any more, 56 00:02:53,320 --> 00:02:55,960 if anyone complains about that... 57 00:02:55,960 --> 00:02:58,320 He's done a lot for us. He's given a lot. 58 00:02:58,320 --> 00:03:03,960 And burns the tar up on the roof. 59 00:03:03,960 --> 00:03:08,960 I don't imagine that he's being sentimental or mawkish about it. 60 00:03:08,960 --> 00:03:14,480 And he has delivered the catalogue, the content, the opus. 61 00:03:18,960 --> 00:03:20,960 We'll just have to look at all his old stuff. 62 00:03:22,480 --> 00:03:26,480 There's so much material out there, that he'll be ever-present, I think. 63 00:03:29,000 --> 00:03:32,640 Did your parents ask you to have clean underwear, 64 00:03:32,640 --> 00:03:34,960 in case you were in an accident? 65 00:03:34,960 --> 00:03:36,960 Can you imagine, you were in an accident 66 00:03:36,960 --> 00:03:40,960 and your father goes to see you in the hospital, 67 00:03:40,960 --> 00:03:42,960 "How's my boy?" 68 00:03:42,960 --> 00:03:45,960 "Oh, Mr Connolly, he's in a terrible state. 69 00:03:45,960 --> 00:03:48,960 "He's just been hit by a double-decker bus, you know. 70 00:03:48,960 --> 00:03:50,800 "He's in intensive care. 71 00:03:50,800 --> 00:03:52,960 "I don't even know if I should let you in to see him. 72 00:03:53,960 --> 00:03:56,960 "Incidentally, his underwear was a fucking disgrace." 73 00:04:02,320 --> 00:04:03,960 So would yours be, 74 00:04:03,960 --> 00:04:06,960 if you saw a big fucking bus coming towards you! 75 00:04:06,960 --> 00:04:09,480 For Christ's sake. 76 00:04:11,960 --> 00:04:14,960 Billy Connolly's fan base is absolutely everybody, 77 00:04:14,960 --> 00:04:16,480 which is unheard of. 78 00:04:16,480 --> 00:04:18,960 He knows what's on your mind, 79 00:04:18,960 --> 00:04:20,960 and he's going to tell you what's on your mind. 80 00:04:20,960 --> 00:04:23,160 And it's gonna be funny. 81 00:04:23,160 --> 00:04:25,480 He's got such a naughty twinkle, Billy. 82 00:04:26,960 --> 00:04:29,160 And it is that infectious love of life that, I think, 83 00:04:29,160 --> 00:04:30,960 is the reason why everyone warms to him. 84 00:04:30,960 --> 00:04:32,960 Never trust a man who, 85 00:04:32,960 --> 00:04:36,960 when left alone in the room with a tea cosy, doesn't try it on. 86 00:04:36,960 --> 00:04:39,960 There's no-one like him. He's a raconteur. 87 00:04:39,960 --> 00:04:40,960 He doesn't rely on jokes. 88 00:04:40,960 --> 00:04:43,960 He relies on his brilliant observation. 89 00:04:43,960 --> 00:04:46,640 A scrotum is an ugly piece of stuff. 90 00:04:46,640 --> 00:04:48,960 It's like a hairy brain. 91 00:04:48,960 --> 00:04:50,960 It's just everyday life he's talking about. 92 00:04:50,960 --> 00:04:53,960 I thought, "No wonder they keep it tucked away in a corner." 93 00:04:53,960 --> 00:04:56,000 It's a design fault. 94 00:04:56,000 --> 00:04:58,960 And I always imagine, when bodies were being designed, 95 00:04:58,960 --> 00:04:59,960 that happened, the fault. 96 00:04:59,960 --> 00:05:02,960 "Er, God?" "What is it?" 97 00:05:02,960 --> 00:05:05,960 "I've got a lot of elbow skin left. What are we going to do with it?" 98 00:05:07,960 --> 00:05:09,960 "Make wee bags. 99 00:05:12,960 --> 00:05:15,000 "We'll put the balls in them. 100 00:05:16,800 --> 00:05:18,960 "Saves them carrying them around in their hand." 101 00:05:21,960 --> 00:05:23,960 But it didn't work, did it? 102 00:05:25,960 --> 00:05:28,960 Men just love it. 103 00:05:28,960 --> 00:05:32,640 Some more than others. Italian men do it all... 104 00:05:32,640 --> 00:05:34,960 They seem to find a constant need for adjustment, you know? 105 00:05:42,960 --> 00:05:45,960 And it's like lightning. It's barely noticeable at all. 106 00:05:45,960 --> 00:05:49,800 Italian waiters, "So, that's two antipasta, two soup. 107 00:05:49,800 --> 00:05:51,480 "Oh, and one, did you want the pate? 108 00:05:51,480 --> 00:05:53,960 "That's fine, that's pate. Now, what about main course?" 109 00:05:55,960 --> 00:05:57,960 A lot of it's to do with the accuracy of his observation, 110 00:05:57,960 --> 00:06:00,000 not just about how we speak and behave, but physically. 111 00:06:00,000 --> 00:06:03,640 There must be a tendon connected to this cheek. 112 00:06:06,960 --> 00:06:08,960 It's so pitch-perfect, 113 00:06:08,960 --> 00:06:12,640 and yet exaggerated to just the right level, 114 00:06:12,640 --> 00:06:14,960 that you immediately... it's instantly funny. 115 00:06:14,960 --> 00:06:17,800 Do you ever eat Mexican food? 116 00:06:20,480 --> 00:06:22,960 It's the weirdest food in the world. 117 00:06:22,960 --> 00:06:26,960 No matter what you order, the same fucking thing arrives. 118 00:06:33,960 --> 00:06:36,960 The only difference is how it's folded. 119 00:06:40,960 --> 00:06:46,480 Excuse me, I ordered tortillas. I seem to have fucking burritos. 120 00:06:46,480 --> 00:06:48,960 "Oh, no problem, sir. 121 00:06:48,960 --> 00:06:50,000 "There you go." 122 00:06:51,960 --> 00:06:55,960 I got the honour of working with him on a film called Quartet. 123 00:06:55,960 --> 00:06:58,160 If there was a long time in between takes, he'd tell a joke 124 00:06:58,160 --> 00:07:00,000 and everybody would be roaring laughing. 125 00:07:00,000 --> 00:07:02,960 It was like getting a private concert from him. 126 00:07:04,960 --> 00:07:08,480 Why do I like to make people laugh? Because it's a jolly thing. 127 00:07:08,480 --> 00:07:11,160 It's good for you and it's good for them. 128 00:07:11,160 --> 00:07:14,960 It's a dynamite thing to be able to do, 129 00:07:14,960 --> 00:07:17,800 to get a laugh out of someone. 130 00:07:17,800 --> 00:07:20,960 Billy's human, and the great thing about Billy is, 131 00:07:20,960 --> 00:07:22,960 it's not like watching a star doing an act. 132 00:07:22,960 --> 00:07:24,960 It's like watching your mate go on stage 133 00:07:24,960 --> 00:07:27,640 and make you piss yourself with laughter. 134 00:07:27,640 --> 00:07:33,960 Apparently, women need to feel loved to have sex. 135 00:07:33,960 --> 00:07:36,960 And men need to have sex to feel loved. 136 00:07:37,960 --> 00:07:40,960 We're fucked from square one. 137 00:07:41,960 --> 00:07:45,480 You're in his family when you're in the audience. 138 00:07:45,480 --> 00:07:46,960 And he's in yours. 139 00:07:46,960 --> 00:07:50,960 No matter how many hundreds or thousands of people are out there, 140 00:07:50,960 --> 00:07:53,320 it's as if you're sitting at the dinner table with him. 141 00:07:54,960 --> 00:07:56,960 If I do it right, they'll feel good. 142 00:07:56,960 --> 00:07:59,960 And if they feel good, I'll feel good. 143 00:07:59,960 --> 00:08:02,960 There's nothing complicated about it. 144 00:08:04,960 --> 00:08:08,960 Which routine of yours, Billy, do you remember the most fondly? 145 00:08:08,960 --> 00:08:12,960 I think it might be The Wildebeest. 146 00:08:12,960 --> 00:08:15,960 It doesn't sound funny when you're explaining it, 147 00:08:15,960 --> 00:08:20,960 but when you put it together and present it, it works. 148 00:08:20,960 --> 00:08:22,960 I'm not as young as I was. 149 00:08:23,960 --> 00:08:25,960 None of us are. 150 00:08:25,960 --> 00:08:29,320 But one of the disconcerting signs I've found recently... 151 00:08:30,960 --> 00:08:33,960 ..is shouting at the television. 152 00:08:33,960 --> 00:08:35,960 That is my favourite sketch ever. 153 00:08:35,960 --> 00:08:39,160 It was a thing about wildebeests, wildebeest. 154 00:08:39,160 --> 00:08:41,960 He makes almost this pub scene with all these characters. 155 00:08:41,960 --> 00:08:43,960 You immediately know who he's becoming 156 00:08:43,960 --> 00:08:45,960 with every little flicker. 157 00:08:46,800 --> 00:08:48,960 "Do you hear a lion? 158 00:08:52,960 --> 00:08:54,960 "I thought I heard a lion there. 159 00:08:59,960 --> 00:09:02,960 "Just got that liony kind of feel about the place, you know?" 160 00:09:04,960 --> 00:09:07,960 And there's a particularly stupid wildebeest about four back, 161 00:09:07,960 --> 00:09:11,000 and he goes, "Did you say lion? I've never seen a lion. 162 00:09:11,000 --> 00:09:12,960 "What are they like? 163 00:09:15,960 --> 00:09:17,960 "I heard they were beige. Is that right? Are they beige? 164 00:09:20,160 --> 00:09:22,000 "Camel hair kind of colour?" 165 00:09:22,000 --> 00:09:23,960 He said, "Hey, you, eat the fucking grass, 166 00:09:23,960 --> 00:09:25,960 "and shut up and do as you're told." 167 00:09:26,960 --> 00:09:29,960 "Excuse me for being fucking born, by the way. 168 00:09:30,960 --> 00:09:32,960 "Ask him a question about a lion, 169 00:09:32,960 --> 00:09:34,960 "you get a mouthful of fucking abuse." 170 00:09:35,960 --> 00:09:37,960 Meanwhile, it cuts back to the male lions, 171 00:09:37,960 --> 00:09:40,960 they're all lying under a tree, scratching themselves, 172 00:09:40,960 --> 00:09:42,960 playing cards, you know, smoking. 173 00:09:45,480 --> 00:09:46,960 And then it cuts back to the female lions. 174 00:09:46,960 --> 00:09:49,800 They're now about 6ft from the wildebeest. 175 00:09:49,800 --> 00:09:52,960 And the leader one's sneaking up, doing that shoulder number. 176 00:10:00,960 --> 00:10:01,960 "Agnes! 177 00:10:07,000 --> 00:10:09,960 "Agnes. Agnes. 178 00:10:09,960 --> 00:10:11,960 "Agnes!" 179 00:10:15,480 --> 00:10:17,640 HE MOUTHS INSTRUCTIONS 180 00:10:41,960 --> 00:10:45,320 "Rargh! Fucking lion!" 181 00:10:48,960 --> 00:10:51,800 "Where? Where's the fucking lion?" 182 00:10:51,800 --> 00:10:54,960 Bang! Boof! It's on the ground, they've split it open. 183 00:10:54,960 --> 00:10:57,000 Their heads in its ribcage. 184 00:10:57,000 --> 00:11:00,960 There's lungs and stomachs flying out, blood everywhere. 185 00:11:00,960 --> 00:11:02,960 His back legs still trying to run. 186 00:11:04,960 --> 00:11:07,960 And there's a wildebeest standing, watching them doing it. 187 00:11:08,960 --> 00:11:10,800 "Oh, look at them, eating that thing." 188 00:11:11,800 --> 00:11:14,800 I'm screaming at the telly, "Run, you fucking idiot!" 189 00:11:15,960 --> 00:11:17,960 If they look up, you're fucking history. 190 00:11:17,960 --> 00:11:19,000 Do you see that dust? 191 00:11:19,000 --> 00:11:21,960 That's every fucking wildebeest in Africa! 192 00:11:21,960 --> 00:11:24,960 Run after them! They know something you don't! 193 00:11:25,960 --> 00:11:28,960 And I've come to the conclusion 194 00:11:28,960 --> 00:11:32,960 that wildebeest don't know they're wildebeest, 195 00:11:32,960 --> 00:11:34,960 for there are no mirrors in the Serengeti Plain. 196 00:11:36,960 --> 00:11:38,960 You can be anything you like. 197 00:11:38,960 --> 00:11:41,960 You ask a wildebeest, "Are you a wildebeest?" 198 00:11:41,960 --> 00:11:44,480 "Oh, fuck, are you kidding? 199 00:11:44,480 --> 00:11:46,640 "Wildebeest, that'll be right (!) 200 00:11:47,960 --> 00:11:49,960 "I'm one of them stripy things over there. 201 00:11:50,960 --> 00:11:53,960 "Too fucking right, oh, aye. 202 00:11:53,960 --> 00:11:56,960 "One of them lions looks up, I'll just fucking fly away." 203 00:12:01,960 --> 00:12:03,960 He's a brilliant actor, Billy. He really is. 204 00:12:05,960 --> 00:12:07,960 I don't think you can be that brilliant at comedy 205 00:12:07,960 --> 00:12:09,000 unless you're a great actor. 206 00:12:13,960 --> 00:12:15,320 The long stories are great, 207 00:12:15,320 --> 00:12:20,160 because they're lovely for melding the audience to you. 208 00:12:20,960 --> 00:12:22,960 'As you go through the story,' 209 00:12:22,960 --> 00:12:25,960 you've got punchlines all over the place and funny words. 210 00:12:26,960 --> 00:12:28,320 A life comes over the audience, 211 00:12:28,320 --> 00:12:33,960 because the ultimate thing to do is to make them one unit, 212 00:12:33,960 --> 00:12:34,960 thinking the same. 213 00:12:40,960 --> 00:12:43,960 You just feel great. 214 00:12:43,960 --> 00:12:45,960 It's like singing a song and they all join in. 215 00:12:57,960 --> 00:12:59,960 Thanks. 216 00:13:00,960 --> 00:13:03,000 Billy, I've heard that you think Robert De Niro 217 00:13:03,000 --> 00:13:05,320 is the best actor in the world. 218 00:13:05,320 --> 00:13:08,000 CHUCKLES Why? 219 00:13:10,480 --> 00:13:11,960 God, I love him. 220 00:13:14,960 --> 00:13:16,960 Billy started out as a welder. 221 00:13:16,960 --> 00:13:21,960 And he made his living, or tried to make his living at that. 222 00:13:21,960 --> 00:13:23,480 He had a pretty good voice 223 00:13:23,480 --> 00:13:25,960 and he was able to become a part of a band. 224 00:13:26,960 --> 00:13:30,160 He would sometimes just say a couple of things, 225 00:13:30,160 --> 00:13:35,960 and the audience started to realise that he was funny. 226 00:13:35,960 --> 00:13:39,960 A bluebird was sleeping 227 00:13:39,960 --> 00:13:42,960 STRING SNAPS 228 00:13:45,960 --> 00:13:47,960 CHUCKLES 229 00:13:53,640 --> 00:13:55,960 Well, that's fucked that one, hasn't it? 230 00:13:55,960 --> 00:13:59,000 LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 231 00:13:59,000 --> 00:14:00,960 Even at the beginning, he had that gene of, 232 00:14:00,960 --> 00:14:03,800 "Nothing's gonna faze me. I'm gonna get through this." 233 00:14:03,800 --> 00:14:07,960 And that's probably a Glasgow ex-welder thing. 234 00:14:07,960 --> 00:14:09,960 If you worked in the docks, 235 00:14:09,960 --> 00:14:11,960 there's not gonna be very much that scares you. 236 00:14:11,960 --> 00:14:15,320 Gimme the guitar, Billy. I'm OK. 237 00:14:15,320 --> 00:14:17,160 I'm doing a bit of posing. 238 00:14:17,160 --> 00:14:18,960 He had that experience as a musician 239 00:14:18,960 --> 00:14:19,960 to know how to work an audience. 240 00:14:19,960 --> 00:14:23,960 As soon as the cameras stop, you can take the heavy stuff. 241 00:14:24,960 --> 00:14:27,000 Billy was the first person to go into arenas, theatres. 242 00:14:27,000 --> 00:14:28,960 Albert Hall, eh? 243 00:14:28,960 --> 00:14:30,960 Woo-hoo. 244 00:14:30,960 --> 00:14:33,480 He just had the charisma. The hair, the way he looked. 245 00:14:33,480 --> 00:14:35,960 He definitely was the first rock star of comedy. 246 00:14:36,960 --> 00:14:38,960 If you think about the way Billy dresses, 247 00:14:38,960 --> 00:14:40,960 particularly early doors, 248 00:14:40,960 --> 00:14:43,960 you know, the banana feet, the kind of tights, 249 00:14:43,960 --> 00:14:45,960 it's disarming. 250 00:14:45,960 --> 00:14:47,960 MUSIC: 'Back In Black' by AC/DC 251 00:14:52,960 --> 00:14:54,160 'I wore weird stuff, 252 00:14:54,160 --> 00:14:58,960 'because I would be playing in lounge bars in Oswaldtwistle 253 00:14:58,960 --> 00:15:01,960 'and I would arrive in my denim stuff' 254 00:15:01,960 --> 00:15:04,960 and they would say, "Has the guest arrived yet?" 255 00:15:04,960 --> 00:15:08,960 'I thought, "I'm gonna dress so as they know it's me when I walk in." 256 00:15:08,960 --> 00:15:12,960 'And that was the way I got my sort of image. 257 00:15:14,960 --> 00:15:17,960 'I became this loud guy from Scotland,' 258 00:15:17,960 --> 00:15:19,960 and it worked. 259 00:15:28,960 --> 00:15:31,960 I feel like I first became aware of Billy Connolly 260 00:15:31,960 --> 00:15:35,960 through that LWT An Audience With... special. 261 00:15:35,960 --> 00:15:37,960 APPLAUSE STOPS 262 00:15:37,960 --> 00:15:40,960 OTHER AUDIENCE APPLAUDS 263 00:15:40,960 --> 00:15:42,960 APPLAUSE STOPS 264 00:15:43,960 --> 00:15:46,960 I can remember sitting very close to the television 265 00:15:46,960 --> 00:15:48,960 and watching him in that black and white shirt, 266 00:15:48,960 --> 00:15:50,960 and his name up in lights. 267 00:15:50,960 --> 00:15:53,480 And all famous people from that time sat in the audience. 268 00:15:53,480 --> 00:15:55,960 So, tonight, if you suck, they come in. 269 00:15:55,960 --> 00:15:57,960 APPLAUSE 270 00:15:57,960 --> 00:16:00,960 APPLAUSE STOPS 271 00:16:01,960 --> 00:16:05,960 I just felt like it was a kind of alchemy, 272 00:16:05,960 --> 00:16:08,960 a kind of magic that he was performing there. 273 00:16:10,000 --> 00:16:13,000 There are many, many highlights in that Audience With... 274 00:16:13,000 --> 00:16:17,960 But the king and queen of routines is the incontinence pants. 275 00:16:19,960 --> 00:16:22,320 It comes out of that page in the Daily Mirror... 276 00:16:23,960 --> 00:16:25,960 ..where they sell all the weird stuff. 277 00:16:27,960 --> 00:16:30,960 I used to find it really funny, what was on sale. 278 00:16:30,960 --> 00:16:32,960 Incontinence knickers. 279 00:16:32,960 --> 00:16:36,960 There's always too many incontinence knickers. 280 00:16:37,960 --> 00:16:43,960 I should imagine they were, like, a nappy... with a pad in them. 281 00:16:43,960 --> 00:16:47,960 But I made it like plus fours, to make it funny. 282 00:16:47,960 --> 00:16:50,960 Young people are incontinent too. I mean, it strikes at all ages. 283 00:16:50,960 --> 00:16:54,960 Suppose this young, trendy guy, he sees the advert. 284 00:16:54,960 --> 00:16:56,960 "Right, that'll do me. 285 00:16:56,960 --> 00:16:58,960 "Give us a pair of them. 286 00:16:59,960 --> 00:17:02,000 "Give us a bit of that. 287 00:17:08,960 --> 00:17:10,960 "That's the very fellows for me! 288 00:17:13,960 --> 00:17:15,960 "My see-through plus fours." 289 00:17:16,960 --> 00:17:19,320 Then get the trendy baggy trousers on, 290 00:17:19,320 --> 00:17:22,640 and off to the discotheque, giving it a bit of that, yeah. 291 00:17:22,640 --> 00:17:25,960 Aye. "Yeah, how you're doing? What's your sign? 292 00:17:25,960 --> 00:17:26,960 "Sagittarius? Oh, aye." 293 00:17:28,960 --> 00:17:30,800 Pssh! 294 00:17:31,960 --> 00:17:33,320 Cares not a jot. 295 00:17:34,960 --> 00:17:36,480 Pssh! 296 00:17:38,480 --> 00:17:41,960 297 00:17:41,960 --> 00:17:42,960 Pssh! 298 00:17:45,960 --> 00:17:47,960 "What's happening later? Yeah?" 299 00:17:50,160 --> 00:17:52,320 Pssh! 300 00:17:53,960 --> 00:17:56,960 There's seven gallons down each leg. 301 00:18:11,960 --> 00:18:12,960 "I'll take... 302 00:18:14,640 --> 00:18:16,320 "..I'll take you home in a minute. 303 00:18:18,960 --> 00:18:20,960 "I'll just go and empty my underwear." 304 00:18:23,640 --> 00:18:26,960 I cried with laughter, and then it was over. 305 00:18:26,960 --> 00:18:28,160 And then he said, "Thank you." 306 00:18:28,160 --> 00:18:30,800 And I just thought, "Well, who does that?" 307 00:18:30,800 --> 00:18:35,960 It was a joy to do. And the people, to see them crying like that, 308 00:18:35,960 --> 00:18:37,960 it's such a privilege. 309 00:18:37,960 --> 00:18:41,960 I have to say, the other thing which is famous in my family is... 310 00:18:41,960 --> 00:18:43,480 311 00:18:43,480 --> 00:18:44,960 ..Glaswegians singing. 312 00:18:44,960 --> 00:18:48,960 I used to go to parties and listen to these men singing. 313 00:18:48,960 --> 00:18:51,800 For years, I didn't know it was English. 314 00:18:52,960 --> 00:18:55,960 315 00:18:55,960 --> 00:18:59,320 316 00:18:59,320 --> 00:19:02,960 HOLDS NOTE 317 00:19:02,960 --> 00:19:05,960 318 00:19:05,960 --> 00:19:07,160 My family do this. 319 00:19:07,160 --> 00:19:09,960 My sister will just start singing that over dinner. 320 00:19:09,960 --> 00:19:12,960 My brother will be on the phone, he'll be FaceTiming me, 321 00:19:12,960 --> 00:19:14,960 and starting singing. D'you have a few drinks last night? 322 00:19:14,960 --> 00:19:16,640 323 00:19:16,640 --> 00:19:17,960 And that's from Billy Connolly. 324 00:19:17,960 --> 00:19:19,960 You get a huge carry-out first. 325 00:19:19,960 --> 00:19:21,960 You get a dozen beers and a half bottle of whisky. 326 00:19:21,960 --> 00:19:24,800 And then you go along these tenement streets, listening. 327 00:19:28,960 --> 00:19:30,960 And them from a window, you hear... 328 00:19:30,960 --> 00:19:32,960 329 00:19:39,320 --> 00:19:40,960 I think the comedian, like the poet, 330 00:19:40,960 --> 00:19:44,960 plays an incredibly important role in society. 331 00:19:44,960 --> 00:19:47,640 He should be able to see things 332 00:19:47,640 --> 00:19:49,960 'that the average guy in the street can't see.' 333 00:19:49,960 --> 00:19:54,960 He should able to spot the absurdity in something that's just accepted. 334 00:19:55,960 --> 00:19:57,640 He knows what he's talking about, that guy. 335 00:19:57,640 --> 00:20:00,960 I don't think I ever saw that South Bank Show first time around. 336 00:20:00,960 --> 00:20:02,960 That was the year that I met Billy. 337 00:20:02,960 --> 00:20:04,960 He talks so cleverly 338 00:20:04,960 --> 00:20:10,960 and so analytically about artistry, that level of observation. 339 00:20:10,960 --> 00:20:12,960 I might have been surprised to see him talking that way, 340 00:20:12,960 --> 00:20:15,960 because my experience of him in 1979 341 00:20:15,960 --> 00:20:19,960 was that he was this wild and crazy person 342 00:20:19,960 --> 00:20:24,960 who didn't mind a bevvy or ten. 343 00:20:24,960 --> 00:20:28,480 I was in an aeroplane, and I got this magazine. 344 00:20:28,480 --> 00:20:30,960 I turn a page over and there's me. 345 00:20:30,960 --> 00:20:33,960 I thought, "Fuck, it's me." 346 00:20:33,960 --> 00:20:35,640 I'm looking at this article. 347 00:20:36,960 --> 00:20:39,960 "Billy's extraordinary technique." 348 00:20:39,960 --> 00:20:41,960 I thought, "Oh, maybe they know what it is." 349 00:20:41,960 --> 00:20:47,960 "He can leave the subject for days on end, weeks... 350 00:20:49,960 --> 00:20:52,960 "..and always, unerringly, 351 00:20:52,960 --> 00:20:55,960 "comes back to exactly where he left off." 352 00:20:56,960 --> 00:21:00,960 No, I don't. "Quite near" does me. 353 00:21:00,960 --> 00:21:03,960 If I get back to quite near what I was talking about, 354 00:21:03,960 --> 00:21:05,640 that's enough. 355 00:21:05,640 --> 00:21:08,960 As a matter of fact, that's why I never became an airline pilot. 356 00:21:10,960 --> 00:21:13,480 Yeah, you can imagine. 357 00:21:13,480 --> 00:21:15,960 "The plane landed quite near Heathrow." 358 00:21:18,960 --> 00:21:19,960 "Off! 359 00:21:21,800 --> 00:21:24,960 "We're in a ploughed field!" "Did I fucking ask you?" 360 00:21:26,960 --> 00:21:30,000 Billy Connolly, famously, can do two different sets 361 00:21:30,000 --> 00:21:32,160 on two different nights. 362 00:21:32,160 --> 00:21:33,960 And I think you can feel that, 363 00:21:33,960 --> 00:21:35,960 that this is a person that is channelling. 364 00:21:35,960 --> 00:21:37,960 I was gonna talk about something. I've gone astray. 365 00:21:37,960 --> 00:21:40,800 He's making that shit up. Oh, yes! 366 00:21:40,800 --> 00:21:41,960 And that's a rare thing. 367 00:21:41,960 --> 00:21:44,960 That's different from watching Seinfeld, a mathematician. 368 00:21:44,960 --> 00:21:46,320 Billy Connolly, poet. 369 00:21:46,320 --> 00:21:50,480 Oh, oh, wait till you hear this! 370 00:21:50,480 --> 00:21:53,800 Would you fucking...? No, wait a minute. 371 00:21:54,960 --> 00:21:56,960 I don't know how he does that. 372 00:21:56,960 --> 00:21:58,480 He said at one point, 373 00:21:58,480 --> 00:22:02,800 there's actually a voice that he hears in his head 374 00:22:02,800 --> 00:22:05,160 that says, "You'd better say it now, 375 00:22:05,160 --> 00:22:07,960 "because you're gonna forget it in two seconds." 376 00:22:07,960 --> 00:22:09,320 Sorry about that. 377 00:22:10,480 --> 00:22:13,800 Sometimes I see pictures that just fucking crack me up. 378 00:22:13,800 --> 00:22:17,320 Billy doesn't write things down. He doesn't practise. 379 00:22:17,320 --> 00:22:22,960 He doesn't prepare to go on stage and do a three-hour concert 380 00:22:22,960 --> 00:22:25,160 in front of thousands and thousands of people. 381 00:22:25,160 --> 00:22:30,960 What he does is trust that he's going to be funny. 382 00:22:30,960 --> 00:22:32,960 Thoughts come in. 383 00:22:32,960 --> 00:22:37,960 They come doddling into my head when I'm talking about stuff. 384 00:22:37,960 --> 00:22:39,960 I'll say a word that'll remind me of another word, 385 00:22:39,960 --> 00:22:42,160 and that'll remind me of a thing. 386 00:22:42,160 --> 00:22:43,960 And I'll just pull it in and do it. 387 00:22:43,960 --> 00:22:48,960 It's why he gets so nervous before performing, 388 00:22:48,960 --> 00:22:53,000 because he always thinks that that ability to just be funny 389 00:22:53,000 --> 00:22:56,960 without any safety net is going to elude him. 390 00:22:56,960 --> 00:22:58,960 You ever noticed about a Glasgow drunk, 391 00:22:58,960 --> 00:23:00,160 he walks with one leg. 392 00:23:03,960 --> 00:23:06,960 He's usually carrying a fish supper, 393 00:23:06,960 --> 00:23:09,960 which looks as if it weighs about two hundredweight. 394 00:23:10,960 --> 00:23:12,960 I always loved Billy's drunk walks. 395 00:23:12,960 --> 00:23:16,000 They were so brilliantly observed and so accurate. 396 00:23:16,000 --> 00:23:17,960 He's a people watcher, isn't he? 397 00:23:17,960 --> 00:23:20,960 And he's great at physical comedy and becoming characters. 398 00:23:20,960 --> 00:23:23,960 And he's got a chip in his right hand, 399 00:23:23,960 --> 00:23:25,960 which he's trying to stare out. 400 00:23:25,960 --> 00:23:27,960 He's not just dealing with language. 401 00:23:27,960 --> 00:23:30,000 He's recognising that he's a jester. 402 00:23:30,000 --> 00:23:36,960 He's a proper Chaplinesque, demonstrating kind of comedian. 403 00:23:36,960 --> 00:23:39,960 He's doing this one-legged walk and wondering how come 404 00:23:39,960 --> 00:23:41,960 he's knackered and not getting anyplace. 405 00:23:43,640 --> 00:23:45,000 He's an observational stand-up. 406 00:23:45,000 --> 00:23:47,960 He's a mimic. He's a physical comedian. 407 00:23:47,960 --> 00:23:51,960 He's also, actually, a really sharp satirist. 408 00:23:51,960 --> 00:23:55,480 My wife, Pamela, was invited to a dinner, 409 00:23:55,480 --> 00:23:58,960 Christmas, in a huge house in Yorkshire. 410 00:23:58,960 --> 00:24:01,960 One of these houses, when you go in the gate, 411 00:24:01,960 --> 00:24:04,960 you've still got half an hour to go to get to the house. 412 00:24:04,960 --> 00:24:07,480 Like serious dough, super toffs. 413 00:24:07,480 --> 00:24:09,960 The guy who owns the place, he's giving us all a drink. 414 00:24:09,960 --> 00:24:11,960 And I said, "So, what do you do now?" 415 00:24:11,960 --> 00:24:13,960 He said, "Toboggan." 416 00:24:13,960 --> 00:24:16,960 I said, "No, I meant, what do you do for a living?" 417 00:24:16,960 --> 00:24:18,960 He said, "Toboggan." 418 00:24:18,960 --> 00:24:21,960 I said, "Toboggan?" "Yes, toboggan." 419 00:24:21,960 --> 00:24:24,960 As if it was the most normal thing on earth. 420 00:24:24,960 --> 00:24:28,960 "He's a jolly good tobogganist. Keeps his toboggan lovely." 421 00:24:31,960 --> 00:24:34,960 And that's the difference. 422 00:24:34,960 --> 00:24:36,640 It isn't money. 423 00:24:36,640 --> 00:24:39,000 That's the difference between them and us. 424 00:24:39,000 --> 00:24:41,960 Is they think it's all right to be a tobogganist. 425 00:24:43,160 --> 00:24:46,960 Go to the dole and say, "Occupation? Tobogganist." 426 00:24:47,960 --> 00:24:49,960 "What?" 427 00:24:51,960 --> 00:24:53,960 "Tobogganist." 428 00:24:55,960 --> 00:24:57,960 "Erm... 429 00:24:57,960 --> 00:25:01,960 "Hang on a minute, I'll have to see Mr McClafferty about that." 430 00:25:06,480 --> 00:25:08,320 He's over to the supervisor, you know? 431 00:25:08,320 --> 00:25:10,480 "He says he's a tobogganist." 432 00:25:11,960 --> 00:25:13,960 "Tobogganist, you say?" 433 00:25:13,960 --> 00:25:16,480 "Aye." 434 00:25:16,480 --> 00:25:17,960 "Fuck me." 435 00:25:19,800 --> 00:25:22,960 "Maybe he's got a speech impediment or something." 436 00:25:23,960 --> 00:25:27,960 "Aye, that'll be it. Write down tobacconist." 437 00:25:34,960 --> 00:25:38,000 I think Billy's a master of his craft, you know? 438 00:25:39,800 --> 00:25:40,960 No-one better. 439 00:25:42,000 --> 00:25:46,960 I wouldn't know a single stand-up from any background now 440 00:25:46,960 --> 00:25:49,960 whose almost, like, family tree of performance 441 00:25:49,960 --> 00:25:51,640 doesn't go back to Billy Connolly. 442 00:25:52,960 --> 00:25:54,960 He's the only genuine, great stand-up 443 00:25:54,960 --> 00:25:57,320 that's among the true pantheon. 444 00:25:57,320 --> 00:25:59,160 So, what better to aspire to? 445 00:26:00,960 --> 00:26:02,800 He turned it into an art form, 446 00:26:02,800 --> 00:26:06,960 from just, like, a small, silly craft to a proper career. 447 00:26:06,960 --> 00:26:10,960 I'd like to dedicate this award to Billy Connolly. 448 00:26:10,960 --> 00:26:14,960 Ladies and gentlemen, my comedy hero. 449 00:26:19,960 --> 00:26:24,960 When I met him, I was quiet and reverential. 450 00:26:24,960 --> 00:26:26,960 But there was a bit where I looked at my own feet 451 00:26:26,960 --> 00:26:30,320 and then tracked across the floor to Billy Connolly's feet. 452 00:26:30,320 --> 00:26:32,960 I thought, "You're standing on the same stage as him." 453 00:26:33,960 --> 00:26:36,960 Peter Kay, you should have given me that thing. 454 00:26:39,960 --> 00:26:42,800 See that, he dedicated it to me and then took it away. 455 00:26:43,960 --> 00:26:45,800 Bastard. 456 00:26:45,800 --> 00:26:47,960 LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE AND CHEERING 457 00:26:59,960 --> 00:27:01,960 Limelight grabber. 458 00:27:13,320 --> 00:27:15,960 And you put your thing there, put your elbows out and twist round. 459 00:27:15,960 --> 00:27:17,960 MIMICS FART 460 00:27:17,960 --> 00:27:22,160 There's air in there that's been there since 1947. 461 00:27:22,160 --> 00:27:25,960 MIMICS FART 462 00:27:25,960 --> 00:27:29,960 Farts are funny, because it's a funny noise. 463 00:27:29,960 --> 00:27:31,960 MIMICS FART 464 00:27:31,960 --> 00:27:33,960 Amazing! 465 00:27:33,960 --> 00:27:34,960 He'll say things like, 466 00:27:34,960 --> 00:27:37,480 "You love the smell of your own farts, 467 00:27:37,480 --> 00:27:39,960 "but you don't like other peoples." 468 00:27:40,960 --> 00:27:43,800 Well, I thought, "That's true." 469 00:27:43,800 --> 00:27:45,960 MIMICS FART 470 00:27:45,960 --> 00:27:50,960 But it took his head to think that and to dare say it. 471 00:27:50,960 --> 00:27:53,960 Can you imagine, instead of going... MIMICS FART 472 00:27:53,960 --> 00:27:56,800 ..what if it went, "Fart"? 473 00:27:59,960 --> 00:28:03,480 It doesn't matter your station in life, you won't survive it. 474 00:28:04,960 --> 00:28:06,960 If you're proposing marriage to a girl, 475 00:28:06,960 --> 00:28:10,960 and you're down on one knee and you says, 476 00:28:10,960 --> 00:28:14,960 "Senga, will you...?" MIMICS FART 477 00:28:14,960 --> 00:28:17,480 Forget it. You're single. 478 00:28:17,480 --> 00:28:19,000 Women can't keep secrets. 479 00:28:19,000 --> 00:28:21,960 No, that's a stupid thing, stupid generalisation. 480 00:28:21,960 --> 00:28:25,960 So, what we'll say tonight is, women could easily keep secrets 481 00:28:25,960 --> 00:28:28,160 if they wanted to, but they don't seem to want to. 482 00:28:29,960 --> 00:28:32,960 Men, on the other hand, can keep secrets, 483 00:28:32,960 --> 00:28:35,960 because men, basically, are sneakier than women. 484 00:28:35,960 --> 00:28:39,960 To make the see-saw work, we need something else here 485 00:28:39,960 --> 00:28:42,480 that women are good at and men aren't very good at. 486 00:28:42,480 --> 00:28:43,960 That keeps the wheel turning, 487 00:28:43,960 --> 00:28:46,960 because every action has an equal and opposite reaction. 488 00:28:46,960 --> 00:28:47,960 Everybody knows that. 489 00:28:47,960 --> 00:28:50,960 Yin-yang, the whole shooting match, right? 490 00:28:50,960 --> 00:28:54,640 So, women aren't good at secrets, men are very good. 491 00:28:54,640 --> 00:28:56,960 Women can hold in a fart, men can't. 492 00:29:10,160 --> 00:29:12,800 What are we to learn from this? 493 00:29:13,800 --> 00:29:14,960 If you want a woman to keep a secret, 494 00:29:14,960 --> 00:29:16,960 whisper it up her arse. 495 00:29:17,960 --> 00:29:20,960 A lot of people have got a filter when something comes in their head 496 00:29:20,960 --> 00:29:22,960 and you go, "I can't say that." 497 00:29:22,960 --> 00:29:24,960 But he's not like that. 498 00:29:24,960 --> 00:29:26,960 He just has a thought, 499 00:29:26,960 --> 00:29:28,960 and it can be about subjects 500 00:29:28,960 --> 00:29:31,960 that were, at that time, considered taboo. 501 00:29:31,960 --> 00:29:35,960 In the toilet, lock the door. "Oh, for Christ's sake." 502 00:29:40,960 --> 00:29:41,960 Another wee jobby. 503 00:29:44,960 --> 00:29:47,480 A wee beige jobby. 504 00:29:49,960 --> 00:29:50,960 'It was real.' 505 00:29:50,960 --> 00:29:54,960 It was a British Railways toilet on a train. 506 00:29:54,960 --> 00:29:58,320 It's one of life's huge problems, 507 00:29:58,320 --> 00:30:00,960 which is actually a wee, tiny problem, 508 00:30:00,960 --> 00:30:05,960 but becomes enormous because of the way we regard each other. 509 00:30:05,960 --> 00:30:07,960 You flush and flush with all your might. 510 00:30:07,960 --> 00:30:09,960 Doodle-doodle-doo. 511 00:30:13,960 --> 00:30:16,960 Sometimes, it actually goes under the bit as well. 512 00:30:17,960 --> 00:30:19,960 It hides. 513 00:30:21,480 --> 00:30:23,160 Then just as you go like that... Doodle-doo! 514 00:30:25,640 --> 00:30:28,480 You try battering it to death with paper towels. 515 00:30:29,640 --> 00:30:31,960 "Go away!" 516 00:30:33,960 --> 00:30:35,960 And you can't leave. 517 00:30:36,960 --> 00:30:38,960 You're stuck in there with this bloody thing. 518 00:30:39,960 --> 00:30:41,960 You go to leave, you walk out the door, 519 00:30:41,960 --> 00:30:43,960 and somebody's coming in. 520 00:30:43,960 --> 00:30:45,960 "By the way, that's not mine." 521 00:30:45,960 --> 00:30:47,960 "Oh, really?" 522 00:30:48,960 --> 00:30:50,960 Billy tells the truth. 523 00:30:50,960 --> 00:30:52,960 And the truth, by definition, 524 00:30:52,960 --> 00:30:56,160 is not always in what we call good taste. 525 00:30:56,160 --> 00:30:58,960 Anywhere you're vulnerable, you're funny. 526 00:30:58,960 --> 00:31:01,960 And when your trousers are down, you're vulnerable. 527 00:31:01,960 --> 00:31:04,960 Just recently, I had a colonoscopy, 528 00:31:04,960 --> 00:31:07,960 where they shove a television camera up your arse. 529 00:31:08,960 --> 00:31:13,960 But before you get this thing, you get these laxatives to take. 530 00:31:14,960 --> 00:31:18,960 Now, these aren't your high-fibre, natural product 531 00:31:18,960 --> 00:31:22,960 made from tea tree and badgers' pubic hair. 532 00:31:23,960 --> 00:31:26,640 You know? You know those adverts you get on telly? 533 00:31:26,640 --> 00:31:28,160 "Are you feeling listless? 534 00:31:29,480 --> 00:31:30,960 "What you need's a good shit. 535 00:31:32,960 --> 00:31:35,960 "Go to a friendly chemist and ask for Shit Easy." 536 00:31:39,960 --> 00:31:41,960 Well, it's not that. 537 00:31:42,960 --> 00:31:45,320 This is like NASA. 538 00:31:45,320 --> 00:31:48,960 There isn't a natural thing within a mile of this. 539 00:31:48,960 --> 00:31:50,960 And you take them all at once. 540 00:31:50,960 --> 00:31:55,960 And... be quite near a bathroom. 541 00:31:55,960 --> 00:31:57,960 Till he sort of came on the scene, 542 00:31:57,960 --> 00:32:00,960 people saved that for their private lives, 543 00:32:00,960 --> 00:32:03,960 and then had a routine for the stage. 544 00:32:03,960 --> 00:32:07,960 His private life just walked right on stage and came out. 545 00:32:07,960 --> 00:32:11,800 I'd hardly got the tweeds to my knees, 546 00:32:11,800 --> 00:32:14,960 and my arse was just on its way to the seat. 547 00:32:14,960 --> 00:32:16,960 MIMICS DIARRHOEA 548 00:32:18,960 --> 00:32:24,960 You know... when it's like a hose that nobody's holding? 549 00:32:28,960 --> 00:32:31,960 MIMICS DIARRHOEA 550 00:32:37,480 --> 00:32:39,960 Fucking hell, I'm looking through the wee hole. 551 00:32:45,960 --> 00:32:49,480 Jesus. And then it would stop for a sort of breather, you know? 552 00:32:50,960 --> 00:32:54,960 Your arse is hanging in tatters like this. 553 00:32:54,960 --> 00:32:56,960 We all know that moment of looking between our legs. 554 00:32:56,960 --> 00:33:00,960 We recognise, like, the sort of scatological sounds. 555 00:33:00,960 --> 00:33:02,960 So, when he then says... 556 00:33:02,960 --> 00:33:05,480 I'll be like a walnut when this is finished. 557 00:33:08,160 --> 00:33:12,000 ..it's literal hypnosis. I recognise this, I recognise this. 558 00:33:12,000 --> 00:33:15,960 Oh, my God, I could be reduced to a walnut. 559 00:33:17,960 --> 00:33:20,960 He knows which images are inherently funny. 560 00:33:20,960 --> 00:33:22,960 But you can only be that disgusting if people love you, 561 00:33:22,960 --> 00:33:24,320 if you've made people love you, 562 00:33:24,320 --> 00:33:26,640 otherwise it's just absolutely revolting. 563 00:33:26,640 --> 00:33:28,960 Your arse is burning. 564 00:33:29,960 --> 00:33:32,960 You have to put the toilet paper in the fridge. 565 00:33:33,960 --> 00:33:37,960 He somehow is able to turn the very mundane things we do 566 00:33:37,960 --> 00:33:39,960 and go through in life... 567 00:33:39,960 --> 00:33:41,960 Holy macaroni! 568 00:33:41,960 --> 00:33:46,960 ..not only into great humour, but with an intimacy and a humanity. 569 00:33:46,960 --> 00:33:51,480 He loves life, and that comes through more than anything. 570 00:33:52,480 --> 00:33:56,160 You know that cuddle thing that women have got? 571 00:33:56,160 --> 00:33:58,800 "Let's just cuddle." 572 00:33:58,800 --> 00:34:00,960 "Oh, OK." 573 00:34:04,960 --> 00:34:06,960 I'll tell you what's wrong with it. 574 00:34:06,960 --> 00:34:10,960 You, your knees get in fine, you know? 575 00:34:10,960 --> 00:34:13,960 You're always behind, your guy's always the one at the back. 576 00:34:15,960 --> 00:34:19,320 The cuddlee, the one who suggested it, 577 00:34:19,320 --> 00:34:23,960 is at the front, because they're the one that gets cuddled. 578 00:34:24,960 --> 00:34:27,960 The one at the back gets fuck all. 579 00:34:27,960 --> 00:34:31,960 He's the cuddler. Right? 580 00:34:33,960 --> 00:34:35,960 And this arm's fine, it goes over here. 581 00:34:35,960 --> 00:34:37,960 But this is a real problem. 582 00:34:39,960 --> 00:34:41,960 So, you can do that. 583 00:34:46,960 --> 00:34:48,800 And none of them is comfortable. 584 00:34:48,800 --> 00:34:51,960 The only one that's comfortable is put it under her and lie on out. 585 00:34:51,960 --> 00:34:55,960 And after a while, it goes grey, 586 00:34:55,960 --> 00:34:57,960 and you can't feel anything in it any more. 587 00:35:00,800 --> 00:35:02,960 And you can't get your head in the right position, 588 00:35:02,960 --> 00:35:04,960 because her hair goes up in your mouth. 589 00:35:10,960 --> 00:35:13,960 And she says, "See, it's nice, isn't it?" 590 00:35:16,960 --> 00:35:18,960 "I wonder what's on TV?" 591 00:35:26,320 --> 00:35:28,960 "Might as well make a move, see what happens." 592 00:35:34,960 --> 00:35:36,960 "Don't, you'll spoil it!" 593 00:35:38,960 --> 00:35:40,960 The pitch of laugher from the audience, 594 00:35:40,960 --> 00:35:43,960 he's maintaining near hysteria for very long periods of time, you know. 595 00:35:43,960 --> 00:35:46,960 Typically, you'll have five minutes, ten minutes, whatever, 596 00:35:46,960 --> 00:35:48,960 of normal, regulated laughter. 597 00:35:48,960 --> 00:35:51,960 Like, the fact that he can hold those waves so long, 598 00:35:51,960 --> 00:35:53,960 I think he can sustain... Excuse me, my dogs come with me. 599 00:35:53,960 --> 00:35:57,960 It's not one of them dogs that wears a special vest 600 00:35:57,960 --> 00:35:59,000 for friendship and companionship, 601 00:35:59,000 --> 00:36:01,960 but he does basically perform that emotional function. 602 00:36:01,960 --> 00:36:03,960 Forgive the problems that he's providing. 603 00:36:03,960 --> 00:36:06,960 But I feel that Billy Connolly would somewhat approve, 604 00:36:06,960 --> 00:36:10,320 particular of what he's about to do, right now. There you go. 605 00:36:10,320 --> 00:36:14,160 Honouring the subject by licking his own genitals. 606 00:36:14,160 --> 00:36:15,960 LAUGHS 607 00:36:15,960 --> 00:36:17,960 What greater tribute can we have for Billy Connolly 608 00:36:17,960 --> 00:36:22,000 than a literal shaggy dog licking his own sexual organs? 609 00:36:22,000 --> 00:36:24,160 God bless you. 610 00:36:26,960 --> 00:36:28,960 That's brilliant. 611 00:36:28,960 --> 00:36:31,960 You appreciate that? Oh, 100%. 612 00:36:31,960 --> 00:36:33,960 I'm with you there. 613 00:36:33,960 --> 00:36:37,960 My dog ate my hearing aid this morning. 614 00:36:37,960 --> 00:36:40,320 $6,000. 615 00:36:42,960 --> 00:36:45,960 I suppose it'll come out in their poo. What do you think? 616 00:36:47,960 --> 00:36:50,480 I know what I'm gonna be doing for the next 24 hours. 617 00:36:51,960 --> 00:36:53,960 Picking through poodle poo. 618 00:37:01,960 --> 00:37:04,640 You know, Scotsmen don't have huge willies. 619 00:37:05,960 --> 00:37:11,960 We have normal-size willies, but we do have enormous pubic hair. 620 00:37:16,960 --> 00:37:18,960 You've probably seen it, you know, 621 00:37:18,960 --> 00:37:21,960 pipe bands, where they cut a slit in the kilt and pull it through. 622 00:37:26,640 --> 00:37:32,960 Billy's background as a boy who grew up in Glasgow, 623 00:37:32,960 --> 00:37:37,640 his family life, a certain level of financial poverty, 624 00:37:37,640 --> 00:37:41,960 all of those things make him the comedian that he is today. 625 00:37:42,960 --> 00:37:46,960 It's been the main influence, Glasgow. Glasgow attitude. 626 00:37:47,960 --> 00:37:49,960 It'll never leave me. 627 00:37:49,960 --> 00:37:53,960 My parents used to have dances while they were hitting me. 628 00:37:56,960 --> 00:37:57,960 We made our own entertainment. 629 00:37:57,960 --> 00:37:59,960 They would hit me in the rhythm of the argument. 630 00:37:59,960 --> 00:38:03,640 "Don't you ever let me see you doing that again! 631 00:38:04,960 --> 00:38:06,960 "Did you hear what I said? 632 00:38:06,960 --> 00:38:08,960 "Don't you ever, ever, ever..." 633 00:38:10,960 --> 00:38:14,960 Billy once said, "I think comedy comes from a very dark place." 634 00:38:14,960 --> 00:38:20,960 And it was true in his life, because his father was physically abusive, 635 00:38:20,960 --> 00:38:24,960 his mother left when he was four years old. 636 00:38:24,960 --> 00:38:26,960 Life is funny if you let it be. 637 00:38:26,960 --> 00:38:29,960 If you're letting the rotten things in your life be funny, 638 00:38:29,960 --> 00:38:31,960 it cures them. 639 00:38:31,960 --> 00:38:35,960 As an example, he said his father would lift him up 640 00:38:35,960 --> 00:38:40,160 and hold up by an arm and whack him with the other hand. 641 00:38:41,480 --> 00:38:43,480 And he would say to him each time... 642 00:38:43,480 --> 00:38:44,960 "Have you had enough?" 643 00:38:46,800 --> 00:38:48,960 What a stupid question! 644 00:38:49,960 --> 00:38:52,000 "Would you like some more of the same?" 645 00:38:53,480 --> 00:38:55,640 I think you're supposed to say... 646 00:38:56,960 --> 00:38:59,960 "..Would a kick in the testicles be out of the question?" 647 00:39:01,960 --> 00:39:06,480 The fact that he can turn this traumatic moment into humour, 648 00:39:06,480 --> 00:39:08,960 even at an early age... 649 00:39:08,960 --> 00:39:12,960 "I can't believe my father asked me this stupid question. 650 00:39:12,960 --> 00:39:14,960 "Have I had enough? 651 00:39:14,960 --> 00:39:17,800 "No, Dad. Keep it up. I love it." 652 00:39:17,800 --> 00:39:20,960 Billy's got a great way of self-deprecating. 653 00:39:20,960 --> 00:39:23,960 We know he's a rock and roll star, he's hung out with royalty, 654 00:39:23,960 --> 00:39:24,960 you know, superstars. 655 00:39:24,960 --> 00:39:31,960 But he evokes this childhood of growing up in Glasgow 656 00:39:31,960 --> 00:39:34,800 and he makes us care. 657 00:39:34,800 --> 00:39:36,960 Aberdeen has a beach, because it's got sand. 658 00:39:36,960 --> 00:39:39,960 There, the similarity to beaches ends. 659 00:39:39,960 --> 00:39:43,960 That's the North Sea, for Christ's sake. 660 00:39:43,960 --> 00:39:45,960 On the horizon, there's oil rigs. 661 00:39:45,960 --> 00:39:47,960 "Now, hear this. 662 00:39:47,960 --> 00:39:51,160 "All employees must wear a survival suit at all times. 663 00:39:52,160 --> 00:39:55,960 "You wouldn't last two minutes if you fell into the North Sea. 664 00:39:57,000 --> 00:40:00,960 "Failure to wear a survival suit will result in instant dismissal." 665 00:40:02,960 --> 00:40:07,480 40 miles away, there's women taking their children's clothes off. 666 00:40:07,480 --> 00:40:09,640 "In you go, you big jessie!" 667 00:40:11,960 --> 00:40:14,960 The stories of everyday life, for example, when he was a kid 668 00:40:14,960 --> 00:40:16,960 and you go into the sea, and he had the woollen swimming wear. 669 00:40:16,960 --> 00:40:20,000 And when he came out, the swimming wear was this big. 670 00:40:20,000 --> 00:40:22,480 We all went through that in the '50s, when were kids. 671 00:40:22,480 --> 00:40:23,800 It was just hilarious. 672 00:40:23,800 --> 00:40:26,800 None of your Speedo, second skin. 673 00:40:27,960 --> 00:40:30,960 This was more your second cardigan. 674 00:40:34,960 --> 00:40:37,000 Big woolly number, you know? 675 00:40:37,000 --> 00:40:40,960 If you were stupid enough to go in above your waist, 676 00:40:40,960 --> 00:40:43,960 it grew like this. 677 00:40:43,960 --> 00:40:47,960 It was absorbent, it could drag you to the bottom! 678 00:40:51,960 --> 00:40:54,960 You had to grab armfuls when you were coming out. 679 00:40:55,960 --> 00:40:58,960 The crotch was a way down here. 680 00:40:58,960 --> 00:41:01,960 People could look in and see your willy, if you had one. 681 00:41:03,960 --> 00:41:06,480 But in the North Sea, you don't. 682 00:41:08,960 --> 00:41:10,960 Tony Wilson of Evening Herald. Evening Herald. 683 00:41:10,960 --> 00:41:13,960 Evening Press, how are you? 684 00:41:13,960 --> 00:41:15,960 So, you don't even have an exciting stage name. 685 00:41:15,960 --> 00:41:19,160 You sound like the boy next door, you know? Yeah, I am, I am. 686 00:41:20,960 --> 00:41:23,800 I first heard of him in the mid-70s, 687 00:41:23,800 --> 00:41:26,960 at my primary school, cos he had been to that school. 688 00:41:27,960 --> 00:41:31,960 And he was famous in Glasgow and probably west coast of Scotland. 689 00:41:31,960 --> 00:41:34,960 And one of his most famous routines was The Last Supper. 690 00:41:35,960 --> 00:41:38,160 He satirised Jesus. 691 00:41:38,160 --> 00:41:40,960 And, like, there weren't very many people doing that. 692 00:41:40,960 --> 00:41:43,480 It wasn't really allowed, but he just did it. 693 00:41:44,640 --> 00:41:46,960 The fact that we were at a Catholic school, 694 00:41:46,960 --> 00:41:49,960 added an extra edge to it. 695 00:41:49,960 --> 00:41:52,480 We were warned by the teachers that we shouldn't be liking 696 00:41:52,480 --> 00:41:54,960 Billy Connolly, because he was blasphemous. 697 00:41:54,960 --> 00:41:56,960 There's a big spread in the papers saying, 698 00:41:56,960 --> 00:42:00,960 "I have nothing against the man, but he is a blasphemer." 699 00:42:00,960 --> 00:42:03,960 I love these words, a blasphemer. 700 00:42:03,960 --> 00:42:06,320 Until he became more famous and the school invited him over 701 00:42:06,320 --> 00:42:10,960 as a sort of famous son, the hypocritical bastards. 702 00:42:14,960 --> 00:42:18,000 I first started to hear about him when we were in Scotland 703 00:42:18,000 --> 00:42:21,960 in the early days of bringing up our family. 704 00:42:21,960 --> 00:42:25,960 And me and Linda and the kids had moved to Scotland 705 00:42:25,960 --> 00:42:28,960 to get out of the craziness that was going on in London. 706 00:42:28,960 --> 00:42:32,000 And we started to hear about this comedian 707 00:42:32,000 --> 00:42:34,960 who was touring around, so it was like, 708 00:42:34,960 --> 00:42:37,960 "Oh, we must try and catch him." You know? 709 00:42:37,960 --> 00:42:40,000 So, we met him. 710 00:42:40,000 --> 00:42:43,640 Billy Connolly's blasphemy of Jesus Christ. 711 00:42:44,960 --> 00:42:46,960 That's why we're protesting as Christians, you see? 712 00:42:46,960 --> 00:42:52,960 There was a vicar or a priest who was following him round on tour 713 00:42:52,960 --> 00:42:55,960 and telling everyone how bad he was, 714 00:42:55,960 --> 00:42:59,960 what a terrible influence and it was disgusting. 715 00:42:59,960 --> 00:43:04,960 To take something that people might be tense about, like religion, 716 00:43:04,960 --> 00:43:06,960 which is a big one, 717 00:43:06,960 --> 00:43:10,960 and to be able to flag up the madnesses of it 718 00:43:10,960 --> 00:43:13,960 is quite brave, cos audiences don't always want to hear that. 719 00:43:13,960 --> 00:43:15,960 When he'd choose to be transgressive, 720 00:43:15,960 --> 00:43:18,960 it's like, "Oh God, he's doing it. 721 00:43:18,960 --> 00:43:22,480 "I guess we're doing this now. Hold onto your hats." 722 00:43:22,480 --> 00:43:24,960 Moses went up Mount Sinai. 723 00:43:24,960 --> 00:43:27,960 He's talking to a fucking burning bush 724 00:43:27,960 --> 00:43:29,960 and it's talking back to him. 725 00:43:31,160 --> 00:43:34,960 Were there any witnesses? No. 726 00:43:35,960 --> 00:43:39,960 Mohammed was in the wilderness. 727 00:43:39,960 --> 00:43:43,960 The Angel Gabriel, or as they call it, Jibril, 728 00:43:43,960 --> 00:43:46,960 gave them the messages from God. 729 00:43:46,960 --> 00:43:50,960 Any witnesses? No. 730 00:43:51,960 --> 00:43:57,960 Joseph Smith, the Mormon, an angel called Moroni shows up. 731 00:43:57,960 --> 00:44:01,960 Gives him two tablets of gold in ancient Egyptian 732 00:44:01,960 --> 00:44:05,960 that he'd never set eyes on in his entire life. 733 00:44:05,960 --> 00:44:07,000 He went into the house, 734 00:44:07,000 --> 00:44:10,960 translated it that night into the Book of Mormon. 735 00:44:10,960 --> 00:44:13,960 Where are the tablets of gold? 736 00:44:13,960 --> 00:44:15,960 He gave them back to the angel. 737 00:44:16,960 --> 00:44:19,960 Any witnesses? No. 738 00:44:19,960 --> 00:44:22,960 How fucking convenient. 739 00:44:24,960 --> 00:44:26,960 It seems to me that he don't regard that subject 740 00:44:26,960 --> 00:44:29,960 with any particular reverence. 741 00:44:29,960 --> 00:44:31,960 It's the same as he would talk about anything. 742 00:44:31,960 --> 00:44:34,960 All things are important, all things not important. 743 00:44:37,640 --> 00:44:41,960 What's ironic about the "Were there any witnesses?" thing, 744 00:44:41,960 --> 00:44:45,960 is that if Billy Connolly had existed back then 745 00:44:45,960 --> 00:44:49,960 and come down from the hills and said, "I saw a burning bush," 746 00:44:49,960 --> 00:44:51,000 he's such a convincing performer, 747 00:44:51,000 --> 00:44:54,160 I would've been like, "Fair enough, stick it in the book." 748 00:44:54,160 --> 00:44:56,960 I was gonna come here on the bus, but I was feared in case somebody 749 00:44:56,960 --> 00:44:59,960 would think I was the Pope and I'd get tore into. 750 00:45:02,320 --> 00:45:04,960 I think we felt, first of all Glasgow, 751 00:45:04,960 --> 00:45:06,960 and then Scotland felt that he was our secret. 752 00:45:06,960 --> 00:45:12,960 He was our kind of golden treasure that we could enjoy quietly. 753 00:45:12,960 --> 00:45:14,960 And it kind of, at first, became a little bit annoying 754 00:45:14,960 --> 00:45:17,640 that the rest of the world found out about him. 755 00:45:20,960 --> 00:45:23,960 I took Billy on tour with me as a support act in America. 756 00:45:23,960 --> 00:45:26,960 And it's very odd to have a comedian open a show for a rock star anyway, 757 00:45:26,960 --> 00:45:29,800 but I just wanted him to go to America. 758 00:45:29,800 --> 00:45:33,960 And he was brilliantly funny, and even though the audience, 759 00:45:33,960 --> 00:45:37,800 I think, probably didn't understand what he was saying some of the time, 760 00:45:37,800 --> 00:45:38,960 he was very brave to do that. 761 00:45:38,960 --> 00:45:42,960 He loves Elton, and it was a very nice gift. 762 00:45:42,960 --> 00:45:46,960 But it was not easy for him to play someone else's audience. 763 00:45:46,960 --> 00:45:47,960 It was a nightmare. 764 00:45:47,960 --> 00:45:53,960 They'd say, "Ladies and gentleman, Elton's friend, Billy Connolly." 765 00:45:53,960 --> 00:45:56,960 "Boo, fuck off! Boo." 766 00:45:57,960 --> 00:45:59,960 And I had to get on with it from there. 767 00:45:59,960 --> 00:46:03,960 He probably went down like a lead zeppelin in some places. 768 00:46:03,960 --> 00:46:05,960 But the thing is, it toughened him up 769 00:46:05,960 --> 00:46:08,960 and it made him even more determined. 770 00:46:08,960 --> 00:46:12,160 In Britain, being small, you become top of the bill. 771 00:46:12,160 --> 00:46:15,960 And if that's not enough, you have to widen your field. 772 00:46:15,960 --> 00:46:17,960 Will you please welcome Billy Connolly? 773 00:46:17,960 --> 00:46:20,960 CHEERING 774 00:46:20,960 --> 00:46:22,000 Hi, how are you doing, Sydney? 775 00:46:22,000 --> 00:46:23,960 Hello, Brisbane people. 776 00:46:23,960 --> 00:46:25,960 HE YODELS 777 00:46:27,960 --> 00:46:30,960 Australia, New Zealand, Canada. 778 00:46:30,960 --> 00:46:33,160 He's very big in those places. 779 00:46:34,960 --> 00:46:36,320 Of course, Australia, 780 00:46:36,320 --> 00:46:40,640 being the sort of place that is particularly interesting 781 00:46:40,640 --> 00:46:43,000 in terms of things that can hurt you, 782 00:46:43,000 --> 00:46:48,960 was a place that provided him with enormous amount of comedy material. 783 00:46:48,960 --> 00:46:52,320 I touched a stonefish one day. I was extremely brave. 784 00:46:53,960 --> 00:46:56,640 It was in a wee cave thing on some coral, you know? 785 00:46:56,640 --> 00:46:59,960 It wasn't being its normal... "Hello. 786 00:46:59,960 --> 00:47:04,480 "I'm a stone, you can stand on me, if you like." 787 00:47:04,480 --> 00:47:06,960 Argh! 788 00:47:06,960 --> 00:47:11,960 Apparently, it's the worst pain known to man. 789 00:47:14,320 --> 00:47:16,000 How do they know this? 790 00:47:16,000 --> 00:47:17,960 I don't know. 791 00:47:17,960 --> 00:47:20,960 Somebody must have said, "I stood on one of them once." 792 00:47:20,960 --> 00:47:23,800 "How was it?" "Worst fucking pain known to man." 793 00:47:28,960 --> 00:47:30,960 "Have you known a lot of pain?" 794 00:47:30,960 --> 00:47:33,960 "Aye... fell off my bike once." 795 00:47:35,960 --> 00:47:37,960 I'm sure there's a device of some kind 796 00:47:37,960 --> 00:47:39,960 that measures things like that. 797 00:47:39,960 --> 00:47:41,960 There's some kind of meter. 798 00:47:44,960 --> 00:47:46,960 It goes from "ouch"... 799 00:47:49,960 --> 00:47:52,960 ..right round to "what the fuck was that?" 800 00:47:54,960 --> 00:47:57,960 "Jesus Christ!" is the next one, goes up like that, you know? 801 00:47:57,960 --> 00:48:01,480 "Sweet fucking mother of Jesus. What the fuck was that?" 802 00:48:01,480 --> 00:48:04,960 Right through "agony", to "worst pain known to man." 803 00:48:06,800 --> 00:48:08,960 I think it's a German device. 804 00:48:14,960 --> 00:48:16,960 Billy just wanted to play everywhere. 805 00:48:16,960 --> 00:48:21,960 And he always wanted to prove that he could be successful in America. 806 00:48:21,960 --> 00:48:23,960 And he really has been. 807 00:48:23,960 --> 00:48:26,960 American people love him, and his career in America blossomed. 808 00:48:26,960 --> 00:48:28,960 All right. See, everybody's really nice. 809 00:48:28,960 --> 00:48:31,960 You laid that on for me, didn't you? Well, yeah, you know. 810 00:48:31,960 --> 00:48:34,000 All these people came to say hi. HBO and you. 811 00:48:34,000 --> 00:48:35,960 HBO and me, I'm telling you. 812 00:48:35,960 --> 00:48:39,960 You know, Whoopi was an amazing advocate for Billy. 813 00:48:39,960 --> 00:48:42,800 She opened a lot of doors for him 814 00:48:42,800 --> 00:48:46,480 by inviting him to be on her HBO Special. 815 00:48:48,960 --> 00:48:51,960 It was an amazingly important turning point. 816 00:48:52,960 --> 00:48:55,960 I think I'll take a twizzler. 817 00:48:55,960 --> 00:48:57,960 HBO'll pick this up. 818 00:48:57,960 --> 00:48:59,960 BILLY LAUGHS 819 00:48:59,960 --> 00:49:01,960 I said, "I've found this really amazing guy, 820 00:49:01,960 --> 00:49:03,960 "and I wanna do a special with him." 821 00:49:03,960 --> 00:49:05,960 See all these nice Brooklyn people? Whoopi! 822 00:49:05,960 --> 00:49:07,960 How you doing? I love you. 823 00:49:07,960 --> 00:49:09,960 Yeah, good to see you. See? 824 00:49:09,960 --> 00:49:13,960 HBO said, "So, you'll do an hour, 825 00:49:13,960 --> 00:49:17,000 "he'll do 15 minutes." 826 00:49:17,000 --> 00:49:20,960 I said, "Billy, here's what we're gonna do. 827 00:49:20,960 --> 00:49:24,480 "You're gonna do the hour and I'm gonna do the 15 minutes." 828 00:49:24,480 --> 00:49:27,960 And he was like, "What?" I said, "Just roll with it." 829 00:49:27,960 --> 00:49:32,160 This guy, as it turns out, is known everywhere in the world, 830 00:49:32,160 --> 00:49:36,960 except for our country, which I found very, very offensive. 831 00:49:36,960 --> 00:49:38,960 Very offensive, cos we're hip, ain't we? 832 00:49:38,960 --> 00:49:41,960 CROWD: Yeah! We know what's happening, right? 833 00:49:41,960 --> 00:49:43,960 Yeah! How come we didn't know about this? 834 00:49:43,960 --> 00:49:46,960 'Americans, for the most part, like smart humour.' 835 00:49:46,960 --> 00:49:50,960 We want people who are smart, who can take us a step up. 836 00:49:50,960 --> 00:49:54,960 Do a little bit of other kind of humour, but take us on a journey. 837 00:49:54,960 --> 00:49:58,960 I don't like the whole concept of flying in aeroplanes. 838 00:49:58,960 --> 00:50:02,960 There's something basically wrong with it. 839 00:50:02,960 --> 00:50:05,960 And they lie to you all the time. 840 00:50:05,960 --> 00:50:08,640 Because if they were to tell you the truth, they would have to say, 841 00:50:08,640 --> 00:50:11,960 "Ladies and gentleman, in the highly unlikely event 842 00:50:11,960 --> 00:50:15,960 "of loss of power on all four engines... 843 00:50:17,320 --> 00:50:19,480 "..then, in all probability, 844 00:50:19,480 --> 00:50:22,960 "we'll go into the ground like a fucking dart. 845 00:50:22,960 --> 00:50:23,960 "You won't be screaming, 846 00:50:23,960 --> 00:50:27,960 "you'll be trying to get the seat in front of you out of your mouth. 847 00:50:30,960 --> 00:50:33,960 "We would be obliged if you wear your life jacket on the way down. 848 00:50:33,960 --> 00:50:35,960 "This will do you no good at all, 849 00:50:35,960 --> 00:50:42,960 "but when archaeologists find you... in 200 years, 850 00:50:42,960 --> 00:50:45,800 "they'll think there was a river here." 851 00:50:48,960 --> 00:50:52,960 He's a consummate artist. People loved him. 852 00:50:52,960 --> 00:50:57,960 You just don't get opportunities to see that kind of artistry. 853 00:50:57,960 --> 00:51:02,000 And people don't think of comics as artists, but we are. 854 00:51:03,960 --> 00:51:05,960 'It was my birthday. 855 00:51:05,960 --> 00:51:07,960 I got Concorde to New York, 856 00:51:07,960 --> 00:51:10,960 and I arrived at the same time as I left. 857 00:51:10,960 --> 00:51:13,960 My birthday just kept going on and on. 858 00:51:13,960 --> 00:51:17,960 'I did two shows at the theatre with Whoopi 859 00:51:17,960 --> 00:51:19,960 'and we had a party at night.' 860 00:51:19,960 --> 00:51:22,960 It was a great day in my life. 861 00:51:31,960 --> 00:51:33,960 I've got Parkinson's disease, 862 00:51:33,960 --> 00:51:35,960 and I wish to fuck he'd kept it to himself, but there you go. 863 00:51:40,160 --> 00:51:43,960 I saw Billy do his last show 864 00:51:43,960 --> 00:51:49,960 and it was a masterclass in performance and storytelling. 865 00:51:49,960 --> 00:51:51,960 Well, I'm glad you find Parkinson's funny. 866 00:51:53,800 --> 00:51:59,000 It was obvious from my movement, that I wasn't who I used to be. 867 00:51:59,000 --> 00:52:01,960 And so I had to explain it to them, 868 00:52:01,960 --> 00:52:06,960 just to say that I'm not defined by it. 869 00:52:06,960 --> 00:52:10,960 It's got me, and it'll get me and it'll end me, but... 870 00:52:12,800 --> 00:52:13,960 ..that's OK with me. 871 00:52:16,960 --> 00:52:20,960 There's a real sense with Billy that he's part of a long tradition. 872 00:52:20,960 --> 00:52:24,960 And it's the tradition of people gathered round a fire, 873 00:52:24,960 --> 00:52:26,960 listening to a story. 874 00:52:26,960 --> 00:52:30,960 And that's a universal thing, which is why he's international. 875 00:52:30,960 --> 00:52:34,800 He can work anywhere. He can walk on and just start telling you a story, 876 00:52:34,800 --> 00:52:36,960 and the audience leans forward. 877 00:52:36,960 --> 00:52:37,960 Hello. 878 00:52:37,960 --> 00:52:41,640 Billy gets them because he talks about things we are interested in. 879 00:52:42,960 --> 00:52:44,960 Why can't women keep a secret? 880 00:52:44,960 --> 00:52:46,960 What it's like to be drunk. 881 00:52:46,960 --> 00:52:49,960 Why do men hold their private parts? 882 00:52:49,960 --> 00:52:51,960 Sex. Flatulence. 883 00:52:51,960 --> 00:52:53,960 MIMICS FART 884 00:52:53,960 --> 00:52:56,960 He talks about us, and I think that's why we like him. 885 00:52:56,960 --> 00:52:59,960 You eat brown bread your whole life, 886 00:52:59,960 --> 00:53:01,960 I eat white bread my whole life. 887 00:53:01,960 --> 00:53:04,960 How much longer are you going to live than me? 888 00:53:04,960 --> 00:53:06,960 We're talking a fortnight. 889 00:53:06,960 --> 00:53:08,960 But it isn't a fortnight when you're 18, 890 00:53:08,960 --> 00:53:11,960 shagging everything that walks in front of you. 891 00:53:11,960 --> 00:53:14,320 No, it's a fortnight when you're in an old folks' home, 892 00:53:14,320 --> 00:53:18,960 pissing your trousers, being fed out of a blender. 893 00:53:20,960 --> 00:53:23,960 You know you're getting really old, because your tongue comes out 894 00:53:23,960 --> 00:53:25,960 when the spoon's only halfway to your face. 895 00:53:30,960 --> 00:53:33,960 "I tell you what, Mr Connolly, you're looking all sad. 896 00:53:35,000 --> 00:53:37,960 "Sort of a sad expression in your face. 897 00:53:37,960 --> 00:53:39,960 "Is that because your friends are all dead? 898 00:53:43,960 --> 00:53:45,960 "That was the white bread crowd. 899 00:53:53,960 --> 00:53:55,960 "But you've got two weeks to go." 900 00:54:04,640 --> 00:54:06,960 I started low and I ended high. 901 00:54:07,960 --> 00:54:11,960 Just staying up there until it's time to stop 902 00:54:11,960 --> 00:54:13,960 seems a natural and good thing to do. 903 00:54:13,960 --> 00:54:15,960 It's a good thing to be proud of. 904 00:54:15,960 --> 00:54:20,960 I wanted to be a funny man, and I got it. 905 00:54:24,960 --> 00:54:26,960 It's a bit of a responsibility 906 00:54:26,960 --> 00:54:30,960 to be married to somebody who is so universally loved. 907 00:54:33,480 --> 00:54:34,960 Shoom. 908 00:54:34,960 --> 00:54:36,960 His health is actually great. 909 00:54:36,960 --> 00:54:39,960 The move to Florida has been fantastic for him. 910 00:54:39,960 --> 00:54:44,960 There's far less stress than when we were living in New York. 911 00:54:44,960 --> 00:54:48,960 He is writing his autobiography, so that's very exciting. 912 00:54:51,160 --> 00:54:54,960 He loves to draw. He goes into his studio space 913 00:54:54,960 --> 00:54:57,960 and comes out with something incredible. 914 00:55:00,320 --> 00:55:03,960 Drawing has given me a new lease of life. 915 00:55:04,960 --> 00:55:07,960 I manage to get pictures together 916 00:55:07,960 --> 00:55:09,960 and people like them, 917 00:55:09,960 --> 00:55:12,960 which surprises me, and amazes and delights me. 918 00:55:13,960 --> 00:55:15,960 It's a lovely thing to do with yourself. 919 00:55:15,960 --> 00:55:21,960 Wasting time... 920 00:55:21,960 --> 00:55:25,640 What he wants to do now is take it easy. 921 00:55:25,640 --> 00:55:27,960 He wants to... he wants to fish. 922 00:55:27,960 --> 00:55:31,960 He wants to sit on his dock in Florida and enjoy the sunshine, 923 00:55:31,960 --> 00:55:35,960 and watch television, and drink tea and eat biscuits. 924 00:55:35,960 --> 00:55:37,960 That's what he wants to do. 925 00:55:40,320 --> 00:55:41,960 See you later, thank you. 926 00:55:43,000 --> 00:55:45,960 It's been a pleasure talking to you. Good night. 927 00:55:48,000 --> 00:55:49,960 It's been lovely talking to you. Good night. 928 00:55:52,960 --> 00:55:54,960 Thanks very much, ladies and gentleman, I'm out of here. 929 00:55:57,000 --> 00:56:00,960 Thank you very much and good night. 930 00:56:05,960 --> 00:56:08,960 It's been a pleasure talking to you all those years. 931 00:56:08,960 --> 00:56:13,320 From the beginning, when I was a folkie, right through. 932 00:56:15,480 --> 00:56:17,000 I couldn't have done anything without you. 933 00:56:17,000 --> 00:56:18,960 You've been magnificent. 934 00:56:19,960 --> 00:56:22,960 He's had an incredible life. I think when he looks back on his life, 935 00:56:22,960 --> 00:56:25,960 he'll be extremely proud of what he has done. 936 00:56:28,960 --> 00:56:30,960 I named my son after Billy, by the way. 937 00:56:30,960 --> 00:56:32,960 You know that? My son is called Billy. 938 00:56:32,960 --> 00:56:34,960 Named after Billy Connolly. 939 00:56:34,960 --> 00:56:36,960 Ah, oh, great. 940 00:56:36,960 --> 00:56:38,960 I'm somewhat sentimental, 941 00:56:38,960 --> 00:56:40,960 as I'm sure you've realised, about Billy Connolly. 942 00:56:40,960 --> 00:56:43,960 All of us will miss the fact 943 00:56:43,960 --> 00:56:46,640 that he's not gonna be performing, you know? 944 00:56:46,640 --> 00:56:48,960 If someone makes you laugh, it's like falling in love. 945 00:56:48,960 --> 00:56:51,640 If someone makes you laugh... 946 00:56:51,640 --> 00:56:56,960 To think... we won't be able to see a new idea pop into his mind 947 00:56:56,960 --> 00:56:59,160 'while he's doing something else' 948 00:56:59,160 --> 00:57:02,960 and see one of his brilliant... divergences, 949 00:57:02,960 --> 00:57:05,960 that's gonna be a loss. 950 00:57:05,960 --> 00:57:07,960 Oh, I actually... I'm going to cry. 951 00:57:08,960 --> 00:57:10,960 There aren't many that leave a mark, you know. 952 00:57:12,960 --> 00:57:15,960 There aren't many that do that thing where you go, 953 00:57:15,960 --> 00:57:17,000 "That's a Billy Connollyism." 954 00:57:17,000 --> 00:57:20,480 I feel a bit emotional now, thinking about him, to be honest. 955 00:57:22,960 --> 00:57:25,640 I think you can sort of forget how... 956 00:57:27,960 --> 00:57:28,960 I hope he knows it. Oh my God, 957 00:57:28,960 --> 00:57:31,800 I can't believe I'm gonna cry, this is so silly. 958 00:57:32,960 --> 00:57:35,960 When I think about him deeply, I find it very moving. 959 00:57:37,960 --> 00:57:40,960 I want him to be around for a long, long time. 960 00:57:43,960 --> 00:57:47,960 I've changed my mind. I'm coming back. 961 00:57:51,960 --> 00:57:53,960 I'm very touched. 962 00:57:57,960 --> 00:58:00,960 'But remember, I'm happy where I am.' 963 00:58:00,960 --> 00:58:04,640 And it's because of you and what you made of my life. 964 00:58:06,480 --> 00:58:08,960 I've got no complaints at all. 965 00:58:08,960 --> 00:58:11,960 966 00:58:11,960 --> 00:58:14,000 And the dog's got the rabies 967 00:58:14,000 --> 00:58:17,960 When you're with me, oh, boy 968 00:58:17,960 --> 00:58:22,960 That you were made for me 969 00:58:39,960 --> 00:58:41,960 970 00:58:41,960 --> 00:58:43,960 Subtitles by ITV SignPost